My Bad Habit

Coc chats, became viber chats, later on skype calls too.

In viber is when we got to know each other more.

The clan started the Viber group a week or two before his birthday. It was funny because he didn't want to install viber on his phone but when I mentioned that you can make free calls and private messages, he was like how do I do that?

I never added Kboy on my facebook, I never added any of my clanmates except for the 10 years old Myla who I can't say no to. We never had any means to private message each other before viber. Later on when we are already a couple that I found out he likes to stalk my facebook. hahaha


When he got on viber, the first thing he asked is how can he make phone calls? I told him how and in a few minutes my phone was ringing! Geeezzz, why didn't I predicted that. He sounds so cool, very sexy actually... He sorta sound like snoop dog, the soft spoken, kind of bedroom voice, it tickled me, made me a little nervous, I pretended to be Myla as a joke and I said bye cause I was eating lunch. He still believes up to this day that I got so shy I hanged up on him, for the record, I wasn't shy(still denying it. lol), I was beaming when he called me, cause my fan sounds so sexy.


We didn't start private messaging right away. Kboy is a gentleman (though he doesn't sound like it). We started with small talks about the war, and simple goodnights when it's time for him to hit the sack. And then I start getting good mornings too. Like I started to expect it, once he say good morning to  COC and tell everyone to have a great night and he's gonna head to work, then in a few seconds my viber would  ring, a message from him saying "good morning smiles, have a good night, laters"


I remember when he first asked me whether I have skype, I said yes, and he said he better make one then so we can hang out sometime. Who knew, we will be using skype for most of our free time now. From the moment we wake up, lunch time and before we sleep.


In viber is where I fell in love with him. We started talking about basic stuff like favorite music, food, just silly stuff. Then we started getting to know each other, we started discussing about life, we started learning more about each other. It became an everyday thing, we chat for 2 or 3 hours a day. He goes to bed at around 3am and I was always worried about him staying up so late but I enjoy talking with him, I wanted to talk to him more too.


I have never talked with anyone the way I talked with him, he said its like that for him too. It just feels so easy to open up, We both don't judge each other, and our opinions and point of views we both accept it. We call each other besties.


In my mind the term besties, was an excuse, a cover up to say we are more than just simple friends but less than lovers.


When we started chatting privately in viber, it wasn't long until I started having guilty feelings. I know I wasn't flirting with him, and we weren't doing anything sexual in nature. But there was this guilty feeling that I'm cheating.  Cause I try to deny how I enjoy talking with him, how I look forward to chatting with him, like how I'm tickled when he calls me smiles, or when he flatters me, and how just thinking about him makes me smile. He is like an addiction.


It didn't take awhile too before I know I like him, but I tried to deny it to myself. At one point  I really think hard if I should stop, and then I hoped maybe I can keep him around as my friend, I thought it was selfish but I wasn't ready to lose him.


I didn't know why I said it, or what I was trying to do, I guess its more of a warning to myself than to him. I said to him " Please don't turn into a bad habit"


That almost didn't go well. I know he likes me  but he is a gentleman that wants to respect what I have. One hand is pushing him away, the other one is keeping a strong hold. He promised he won't do anything to ruin our friendship. But it wasn't a friendship anymore, it's more.


After that I tried to friendzone him, talk more about my daughter's father, try to push him to go after another clan member. But even with those efforts to de-attached, even though we talked about stopping many times, we never did. There's just this pull, like neither of us has the will to stop, I'm sure I don't have.


Before the end of September, my daughter's daddy said he's gonna come home by the end of the month, that he is gonna talk to the ship captain about it and I should expect him to come home. I was usually so happy when I hear the news of his coming home, but that time, I felt scared and really sad. I told Kboy about it and he too was anxious. We promised we will remain friends and still find time  and ways to talk. He told me to listen to a song by Alicia Keys, "Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart" I listened to it the whole day, cause I felt like I'm having a broken heart, my favorite part of the song was this;

Anybody could've told you right from the start

It's bout to fall apart

So rather than hold onto a broken dream

I'll just hold on to love

And I could find a way to make it

Don't hold on too tight

I'll make it without you tonight

But he didn't came home, and I was happy.

And the everyday chats went on, and skype, and he became the only person I have been completely honest to, I was able to tell him everything, all the things that no one knew. He became someone like no other in my life, the word special doesn't even fit.

Until September 30, 2014 the warning of don't turn in to a bad habit became, Can we try it tho?

And I am his, and he is mines ever since and for always....