:)

Closing A Book and Opening A New One..

We weren't looking, we weren't asking and there was a few times we tried to stop it. And all I can think, and all I believe is that, it was meant to be.

12/9/2014 1:25:05 AM Rafael: Hey I got a question 

12/9/2014 1:25:09 AM Mary Ann: Wat 

12/9/2014 1:25:33 AM Rafael: R u quitting wen ur hubby comes home? 

12/9/2014 1:25:41 AM Mary Ann: Ofcourse 

12/9/2014 1:25:53 AM Rafael: :( 

12/9/2014 1:25:57 AM Rafael: For real 

12/9/2014 1:26:17 AM Mary Ann: Well he wont like it for sure

It was first about our friendship. My ex was very controlling and very jealous man. I have friends that I know for years and when my ex told me to stay away from them, to not talk with them, to remove them on my facebook, I did, I did all that without thinking twice. And I really cut my connections with my guy friends. But Kboy, we even plan how to stay in touch and keep our friendship, how he will wait until he leaves again so we can talk again, as much as we want again. I promised I'll try to sneak and talk with him once in awhile. I even had a plan about how we can communicate through blog comments without my ex noticing, and he even promised that even though I can't sneak and talk to him all the while that my ex is home, that he will still be there for me, waiting no matter what.

It felt like our time was limited and we end up trying to make the most of it. He wont go to bed until the early morning and will sleep only for a few hours, we talk longer than his sleep. And that's how we got to know each other more.

It was always happy event when I pick my ex up in the airport, I know he doesn't give a lot of fudge about me but I was happy still, mostly for the kids. But that time, i dreaded it, I was scared, it felt like my heart would break. 

And then we fell in love, And it was real, strong and true. And I had to have him, I cannot deny it, I cannot help it. And we became a couple without fully thinking about how and what and when. I just know I love him, and i want to love him and hoped that he loves me as much too.

It was a very complicated situation for me, there's not just one person who's gonna be affected. I was scared that there's two hearts I'm gonna hurt most. There's a lot of nights that I cried about it, and some tears I shared with Kboy, he shed some tears too.

We tried to prepare ourselves, we planned, changed the plan, talk about how we will comfort each other. And finally I moved out a week before he came home.

We prepared for the worst. But it all went ok. We were fine, we are stronger, better. Nothing crazy happened. As for my ex, I feel he has accepted it, or at least he didn't do anything crazy.

It took awhile before he returned to the ship, he vacationed for 4 months. The night before he left, he spent a few minutes playing with our daughter and he let her know that he's gonna work in the ship again. And yesterday morning he left. And I wrote the last sentence of my book with him.

It's says "Thank you for our daughter, live well"

And today is my daughter's moving up day from kindergarten, she received a medal and a lot of awards. There was a lot of memories that flashed back, of last years moving up day, and other graduations and other events. I know sometimes I will still look back at it with little tears and I hope he would understand why. I did feel like crying.

And then as soon as we came home, Fiona said "Skype papa ninja". I told her he's already sleeping and that she can show her medal later when he wakes up. And that's what she did as soon as he skyped. My daughter, so smart at age 5, she loves him too.

Our relationship is pretty complicated from the beginning. It almost feels impossible. We are in different countries, with 12 hours time difference, we both have bagages and complications, and the distance and the wait. We will make it through. We have started writing in our book for awhile now, I won't get to write the ending for this book, we don't plan to close it.

My Lies

My ASLS (age/sex or gender/location/status) 8 months ago, 29/f/Cavite/married. My ASLS today, 30/f/Cavite/single but spoken for.

No I didn't get divorce nor annulment, I was never married. I lied. 

I met my daughter's father when I was 23, he was 32. I now have a 5 years old daughter with him. For the  sake of my daughter, I'm not gonna go into details about how bad it was, and what happened, but I want her to know that she's the best thing that I got out of the 7 years I spent with her dad, and because of her I don't regret it.

A few things I should say about my past relationship was that my daughter's father is still married to someone else, it was never dissolved or taken cared of. Like most men, they will promise you the moon and the stars, and marriage (to get what they want, yeah!), but there wasn't any moon or stars. But still I was committed like I was a wife, I was loyal and faithful, up until I received a gift, a blessing, a ninja.

Gamers, they get a little excited with female players, so I thought my gaming life would be simpler if I just say I'm married, (well i'm kinda pretending to be and/or playing the part).

My Kboy believed I was married, he was playful and he was flirting but he was respectful at the same time. We really just have chemistry from the beginning, as friends.

I remember when he asked me what my husband does for a living and I said he works in a ship, he said all good he can steal me away while he's gone. He said he was joking.


We were already talking in viber and skype for awhile before he learned I was not really married.

He was asking for my maiden name cause maybe we are related and I gave him my name, which is the same name he knows. And he asked me why I didn't change my last name when I got married. I said because we don't have divorce here and he knows he was married once. It took him a few more minutes to realize what I was trying to say.

My daughter's father can't get divorce because there's no divorce in the Philippines, he promised to get an annulment but didn't keep it.

Things changed once that was out, we didn't start being a couple nor did he became aggressive when he found that out, instead we became best friends, we became more open to each other. I stopped pretending to be a happy a wife. We have talked about things we don't say to anyone. I fell in love with my best friend, my love, my baby.

So yeah, I was never married. But he still is..

THOR, another love story

WTF!?! I know that's what you're gonna say once you see this baby. lol

I just have to write this story because this was part of our beginnings. 

Our clan made a facebook group so we can put a face behind the names. We like the page and the admin of the page without permission will pick a photo he likes on our fb account and post it.

Thats where we first saw each other's picture. Oh before I forgot to say it, he used to stalk my facebook!

And then there was a picture of this sexy girl wearing a red bra and short posing beside a truck and everyone wondered who she was. And the admin of the clan said it was one of our members named THOR.

Thor doesn't talk much. She was Kboy's first "aking reyna" in the clan.

Back then I couldn't really tell if he really likes her or not. She never talks to him though, but we talked a lot. I thought him some tagalog words to speak to her.

Although we kick it, and it was always fun talking with him, I thought he was a typical guy who goes after slutty looking girls.

But even though he tries to flatter THOR every time she shows her presence in the clan, he still gave the leadership to me.

See when I came into the clan, the leadership rotates between 3 members, King Elvis, Glock and Kboy aka the three kings. They passed the leadership every after war. And then they wanted to add another alpha male (right!) and passed the leadership to a certain Gen, And Gen gave it back to Kboy, and Kboy gave it to me! I was the first femme fatale (kidding!) I was surprised, and so was the two other kings. King Elvis said why he didn't pass it instead to his lady love, THOR. I felt a little awkward when he mentioned that , so it was decided that THOR will be next lead.

Well I passed it to her and she raised havoc during her reign. She kept the leadership for 3 wars then left when she passed it.

I wasn't his first "aking reyna," but he wanted me to rule him! hahaha..

It's just fun looking back. Who would have thought, right hubby-to-be?

The Jump, The Choice, The Step

It wasn't planned, something that I didn't think of, I didn't expected it to happen. It was at that moment, when I let go of all reasons, and all I knew was I don't wanna end it, I don't wanna lose him, and I don't wanna be just friends anymore


I closed my eyes, held my breath and JUMP! I don't know how I will fall and I did not care about consequences, I'm falling and smiling and I didn't care what was waiting for me but he caught me, and held me tight .


It was a happy day, we talked about pet names he wanted to call me before going to work, he sent me  a handsome picture of him driving. I did not know what was on his mind, my mind and my heart was still in cloud nine. For that day and the next, I tried not to think about my daughter's dad and not think about how complicated it is. I said to him and to myself, I'll deal with things when it happens.


But the truth, it was crazy in my head. Thinking about all the complications, all that I will lose, all the mess that I will face once shit hits the fan. I don't know if he was serious, I don't know how serious I am. I only know that I have never wanted to be so honest to any person, so honest that I don't wanna lie to him about how I feel for him, I don't wanna hide behind the label of friends, or bestie, or I care for you, I wanna be able to tell him and show him that I love him.


It was after two days that we were able to talk through skype.


THE CHOICE. I was really scared to ask myself for the first two days about, "what now?" . "What's next?" "Why, When, WHO?" I tried to answer myself my own questions yet it makes more questions. And there was also the question of, is he serious? does he loves me or just like me? was he playing?  And yet whenever we chat on viber, all fears just disappear, I'm like in this space time warp and it's all butterflies, and pink, and flowers and sunshine, it's a happy place, he's my high, (if only I know how being high feels, I'm imagining it's like that.)


And then the skype call, I was a little shy seeing him for the first time as his girl. It was all cutesie until he asked the question, what now? What will happen when he comes back. tick.. tick.. BOOM!


Now I have to face the questions and answer it. There were a lot of questions not said and a lot of answers not spoken that day like;


Is he for real, is he serious with our relationship? -yes he is.

Does he really like me? -yes a lot, crazy even.

Does he loves me too? -a strong maybe

Is he worth losing everything? -yes


It was not just a choice between two men, it was choosing happiness, choosing to be me again, choosing life. And the decision was made that day. I WAS ALL IN, I did not even looked at my cards, win or lose.


Don't get me wrong, after that, there was still a lot of decisions, a lot of fears, a lot of what ifs, a lot more question. At the beginning, I have this fear that it will all fall apart and I will be left alone, I didn't know if we were at the same page, I had a lot to lose, I have more complications, I have to face a lot of mess on my own.

But we always talk, we prepared, we planned about things, we cried about things, but most of all we love each other and make each other happy, and made all things feel ok. And I never felt alone, even though he is far away.

And in a few weeks I was painting a room I'm gonna move in to, packing stuff, buying a table and finally moving out, never looked back.


THE STEP. Back then I thought, moving out of my daughter's father's house was the first real step to our relationship, now after half a year I think of it differently.


After everything that I have been through, after everything that he's been through, and also all that happened when we met and fell in love, all the things we have done before, today and until I see him in front of me, touch his face, and feel his lips, are the steps we took and will take to be with each other.


Although it feels like I wanna run, sprint and be with him now, soon, no now! I have to be patient, we both have to be. Even though his mornings are my nights, we are thousands of miles apart, we are together, he's always with me, I'm always with him, and we will be together, just a few more steps, a few more steps....

My Bad Habit

Coc chats, became viber chats, later on skype calls too.

In viber is when we got to know each other more.

The clan started the Viber group a week or two before his birthday. It was funny because he didn't want to install viber on his phone but when I mentioned that you can make free calls and private messages, he was like how do I do that?

I never added Kboy on my facebook, I never added any of my clanmates except for the 10 years old Myla who I can't say no to. We never had any means to private message each other before viber. Later on when we are already a couple that I found out he likes to stalk my facebook. hahaha


When he got on viber, the first thing he asked is how can he make phone calls? I told him how and in a few minutes my phone was ringing! Geeezzz, why didn't I predicted that. He sounds so cool, very sexy actually... He sorta sound like snoop dog, the soft spoken, kind of bedroom voice, it tickled me, made me a little nervous, I pretended to be Myla as a joke and I said bye cause I was eating lunch. He still believes up to this day that I got so shy I hanged up on him, for the record, I wasn't shy(still denying it. lol), I was beaming when he called me, cause my fan sounds so sexy.


We didn't start private messaging right away. Kboy is a gentleman (though he doesn't sound like it). We started with small talks about the war, and simple goodnights when it's time for him to hit the sack. And then I start getting good mornings too. Like I started to expect it, once he say good morning to  COC and tell everyone to have a great night and he's gonna head to work, then in a few seconds my viber would  ring, a message from him saying "good morning smiles, have a good night, laters"


I remember when he first asked me whether I have skype, I said yes, and he said he better make one then so we can hang out sometime. Who knew, we will be using skype for most of our free time now. From the moment we wake up, lunch time and before we sleep.


In viber is where I fell in love with him. We started talking about basic stuff like favorite music, food, just silly stuff. Then we started getting to know each other, we started discussing about life, we started learning more about each other. It became an everyday thing, we chat for 2 or 3 hours a day. He goes to bed at around 3am and I was always worried about him staying up so late but I enjoy talking with him, I wanted to talk to him more too.


I have never talked with anyone the way I talked with him, he said its like that for him too. It just feels so easy to open up, We both don't judge each other, and our opinions and point of views we both accept it. We call each other besties.


In my mind the term besties, was an excuse, a cover up to say we are more than just simple friends but less than lovers.


When we started chatting privately in viber, it wasn't long until I started having guilty feelings. I know I wasn't flirting with him, and we weren't doing anything sexual in nature. But there was this guilty feeling that I'm cheating.  Cause I try to deny how I enjoy talking with him, how I look forward to chatting with him, like how I'm tickled when he calls me smiles, or when he flatters me, and how just thinking about him makes me smile. He is like an addiction.


It didn't take awhile too before I know I like him, but I tried to deny it to myself. At one point  I really think hard if I should stop, and then I hoped maybe I can keep him around as my friend, I thought it was selfish but I wasn't ready to lose him.


I didn't know why I said it, or what I was trying to do, I guess its more of a warning to myself than to him. I said to him " Please don't turn into a bad habit"


That almost didn't go well. I know he likes me  but he is a gentleman that wants to respect what I have. One hand is pushing him away, the other one is keeping a strong hold. He promised he won't do anything to ruin our friendship. But it wasn't a friendship anymore, it's more.


After that I tried to friendzone him, talk more about my daughter's father, try to push him to go after another clan member. But even with those efforts to de-attached, even though we talked about stopping many times, we never did. There's just this pull, like neither of us has the will to stop, I'm sure I don't have.


Before the end of September, my daughter's daddy said he's gonna come home by the end of the month, that he is gonna talk to the ship captain about it and I should expect him to come home. I was usually so happy when I hear the news of his coming home, but that time, I felt scared and really sad. I told Kboy about it and he too was anxious. We promised we will remain friends and still find time  and ways to talk. He told me to listen to a song by Alicia Keys, "Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart" I listened to it the whole day, cause I felt like I'm having a broken heart, my favorite part of the song was this;

Anybody could've told you right from the start

It's bout to fall apart

So rather than hold onto a broken dream

I'll just hold on to love

And I could find a way to make it

Don't hold on too tight

I'll make it without you tonight

But he didn't came home, and I was happy.

And the everyday chats went on, and skype, and he became the only person I have been completely honest to, I was able to tell him everything, all the things that no one knew. He became someone like no other in my life, the word special doesn't even fit.

Until September 30, 2014 the warning of don't turn in to a bad habit became, Can we try it tho?

And I am his, and he is mines ever since and for always....

Hi! My name is SMILES :)

Kiheiboy: ann 

You: huh? 

Kiheiboy: Smile

It was my 30th birthday, August 15, I told everyone in the chatbox that I had to go and enjoy my day, we're at war and I remember he said to everyone "let's win this for Ann's gift". We won.


My clan was a war freak, they search for another war right way. My favorite defense troop for war then was a healer. Kboy always fills my war clan castle and i fill his. I thought it was just paying back the favors cause he always take care of my clan castle and I do donate to everyone too, I just always fill his first.


My 30th birthday, I went out to buy my own cake.

Cooked a simple dinner for family. My clanmates greeted me Happy Birthday. Friends and family on facebook greeted me too. And I received a flower.

But that day too, when I logged in on COC to check whats up and as I expected it's preparation day for war again, I went to his war base to give him troops and his request message gave me a big smile, it says " HAPPY BIRTHDAY MRS TEACH"

So he knows I'm giving him troops, it was  kinda embarrassing. 

So that night, he requested a back up troop and I gave him 4 archers and 1 goblin. I was laughing when I did that, he didn't noticed cause he must have logged out already when I gave him troops.

And so we were chatting again in the morning like always and I confessed I gave him a goblin, and he was surprise that it was me who pranked him. I told him I gave him a goblin because it made me smile like a goblin when I saw his war clan castle request, and he said " Mission accomplished."

Later on he started calling me smiles, among his many pet names for me. But smiles is always my favorite.

He even turned his base into my pet name

And speaking of goblins, oh my gosh, I woke up this morning and my base looks like this;

I shouldn't have given him my password. hahaha... 

Clanmate, Teacher, Interpreter???

Me: In a building somewhere in the Philippines, there was a Filipino and an American waiting for the elevator. The door opened and there was another Filipino inside the elevator.

Filipino outside the elevator : Bababa? (going down?)
Filipino inside the elevator: Bababa! (going down!)
American: are you guys aliens????

Kboy: who's going down????? hmmm...

          Me: (perv!)

Kiheiboy, he went to Hawaii when he was young, he doesn't speaks Tagalog anymore, he can't remember if he ever spoken it when he was young. He's cool, very open and frank, We started talking and joking and I start teaching him a few tagalog words.


Ano, sino, bakit, saan, boom panes! It's what, who, why and where. Oh last one is kinda hard to explain. Those were the first words I thought him. And he will pretend he can understand tagalog in the chat box by using those words. He was so cute.


I was never really a teacher to him, he learned a lot of words on his own. He's level 3 tagalog speaker now. He wants to impress me? I am, always.


We first saw each other's photo on our clan facebook page.

As a clanmate, he always likes my ideas. He always say I'm smart, cool and all that. I take it as him playin' around, flirting, being a guy. I do admit now that the attention was fun. If we were both online we will flood the chat box, forget raiding, we were just either joking around or even talking about serious life stuff. I learned that he is a single dad, and that he doesn't know his biological father.


Honestly my first impression of him is that he's funny but a bit of an asshole. Maybe its the way he talks, like the word shit is part of his grammar. Maybe that's why some clanmates thinks his rude or arrogant. Well i did not, I always have fun talking with him.


URBAN DICTIONARY, I have never used it as often as before I started talking with him. Specially when he started calling me MAMI. I know he is not a puerto rican and I know it can mean something else other than mother, but back then I try to consider it as him calling me mother. Well I am a mom and everyone in the clan knows it, I have a then 4  (now 5)years old daughter. Does it makes sense that he calls me mom? I am well aware what he means, hahaha. I just ignore it. He still calls me mami, or baby or smiles.


The interpreter, tagalog to english, english to tagalog. Eventually clan members got more comfortable with him seeing how funny and talkative he is, he's the most talkative one in the clan during that time, and since I am the clan resident English teacher and his pretend tagalog teacher I get to translate for everyone. I even get to translate for THOR, another character of this love story but a story for another day.


I was a clanmate, a teacher an interpreter to him/for him about 8 months ago. What he was to me then was a clanmate who has a cool humor who flatters me a lot. What I am to him now is his woman, what he is to me now is my life.

It was destiny, that day I didn't have enough trophies.

03/05/2015

"It's midnight and I am staying up waiting for his lunch break at around 1 am. He will message me on viber to check if I am still up. Then we will skype, I'll watch him eat big bites so he will be done in 5 minutes and we will ask each other how we have been since the last we talk which was 5 hours ago. And he will ask me what time he should wake me up tomorrow, he will tell me goodnight and mahal kita(i love you) and he will give me that look that tells me he loves me a lot, and I can feel it, I know he really does. And I hope he knows too, hope I can make him feel too, that I love him sooooo much that it hurts. I wish I could kiss him, I wish I could hug him, I wish I could touch his face. I wish we could be together, be at the same place, breathe the same air....."

My first clan had a huge drama over promotions and people started leaving. The clan members I'm cool with went to another Filipino clan, they are cool, they give me troops all the time. I was a town hall 7 and had only been playing the game for almost 2 months. I got level 3 troops, my barracks was upgrading to level 9 and I was so excited to get my dragons. I hated the co leaders that was left in that PINOY clan, so I wanted to follow my other clan members. It was my first time to switch clans, I clicked leave, looked for my coc friends and then realized, oopps! I don't have enough trophies to join their clan.

I could have attacked and earn more trophies, but I didn't. I typed in "F I L I P I N O" top of the search, clicked join, the chat went live, Guilleanne was accepted by King Elvis. I was in!

Clash of Clans or COC is an addicting game. The game play is really simple, attack to earn resources to upgrade your base. I learned about the game from playing Hay Day, also by supercell. But there is something in the game, well yeah there's a chat box!

I didn't even say hi on the chat box that day, i don't remember when and how I introduced myself. There were people speaking in English in a Filipino Clan I thought a bunch of socialites. Maybe that day I wasn't sure if I will stay, but I requested for troops and my clan castles gets filled in a minute or less, a very generous clan,

I don't remember who I talked with first, who I was friend first but I do remember our first conversation about dragons and rage spells.

Kiheiboy, the co lead who only speaks English, and mostly slang ( is Eminem in the clan?) No one really likes to talk to him, what is this English speaking guy doing in a Filipino clan? Most of the members are afraid to get *nose bleeds, probably. He told me that I should use my dragons with rage spell. I asked him if he was talking about the purple one??? I was a newbie. He said yeah I said thanks for the tip.

I got his ASL ( age, sex/gender and location), male, 29, NJ -aaahhhh that's why the English. He got mines too, I said 29, f,emale Cavite(Philippines), married. Turns out he's a Filipino raised in Hawaii and now living in New Jersey, he wants to bond, be connected to his roots, that is why he was there. WORD!


And that is how we met.