What he doesn't know...

Being in a long distance relationship, we only see what can be seen in our laptops camera, sometimes the connection is so terrible that the image is blurry. Sometimes we only chat in viber that we cannot see each other at all.

That these are things that I'm pretty sure he doesn't know, it's like the behind the scenes. sort of.

# 1. Before, the first thing I look for when I open my eyes, is my phone-to check my coc troops. No matter what time, it maybe when I wake up in the middle of the night to pee, I'll check coc first before going to the bathroom - that he already know. What he doesn't know is I always check for his chats too. And take time to read it. That's why I know that sometimes at around 2 am to 3 am he chats with nutso cause she's still up.


# 2. He always says good morning/evening yall in coc then almost immediately send me a private good evening goodnight on viber before heading to work. I was always online on COC before. But whenever I see him say goodnight there, I'll looked forward to my private goodnight. But there were a few times that it took a few minutes before he sent me a goodnight message, and I was starting to pout, until I received it and it will definitely make my night.


# 3. When we where just friends and when we skype, I always make sure I wear something decent, always with sleeves, I'll brush my hear, I'll wear earrings, but..... I was always wearing house short, those shorts that he likes so much now. hahaha. That is why I don't stand up in the camera,


# 4. On his birthday when I promised to talk with him on the phone. It was also Fiona's brother's birthday. So I cooked a lot of food to bring to the school party that day too, it was a very busy day, but I made sure I have time to talk with him. I made a schedule that would work around the time we planned to talk. Eating something long like pasta or noodles on someone's birthday is a wish for long life and blessing, I was eating the pasta for him too.


# 5. I cried myself to sleep the first few nights we became a couple. It was a mix of emotions, I was very happy and yet very scared and sad. It only stopped after our long viber talk when I finally came to the decision of leaving Fiona's dad. Because that talk confirmed everything, that we are both real, and the love is very real. And it made me stopped crying, cause I know the person I love really loves me too, and although we don't yet know where we were heading, I already know it's gonna be worth it no matter what.


# 6. I was frustrated to hear the words I love you. I was so ready to say it, I want to say it, but I felt he was not ready. And I know he loves me and yet he won't say it. It's a special word for him. There was one time I was trying to get it out from him, I asked him how much he likes me, and all I got was I'm crazy about you and more. I was like damn! That's it! hahaha.. Then I settled for banana. And during that time banana was music to my ears. We both know how awkward the first I love you was, but it's memorable nevertheless.


# 7. I considered calling him PAPI before since he always call me MAMI, but when I hear my self say it, I though it was too slutty.


# 8. I really liked it when he shaved. I looooveee how my baby looks, he is(you are) very hot and girls chase him. This does sound like a suggestion, and I am not trying to change him (you) or anything. But it will be cool if he(you) do that once in awhile. Then I'll have curly hair once....... in awhile too.


# 9. When I talk to someone about how awesome he is (you are), I also mention about how he (you) wanted to be facebook official,  cause me and most girls thinks its so sweeeeeeettttttt...


# 10. And its now 3 am, and i hope he reads this after waking me up early tomorrow cause otherwise he might not wake me up early.

7 months out of forever.

More than half a year has passed. It feels fast, yet the time we have to wait to be together feels painfully long.

But we manage. we are new and yet like an old couple. We are comfortable enough to fart our best fart (that kind that makes you feel so good) while skyping each other. We find ways to bond, find new things to do online together, we have our first movie date on skype ( for 15 minutes or less.. hahaha). Sometimes we run out of things to talk about that we just start singing.

I love everyday, and on bad days, he is my happy pill. I find comfort in him, I find strength, I find my future.

Not long ago when we tried to stop ourselves from planning ahead, and now we are talking about schools, after schools, possible jobs, future. Is it unhealthy? Are we getting ahead of ourselves? Is it too early to plan for things like that? I don't care. It makes me happy.

Looking back, it all started with my heart, LITERALLY. It acted up, wanting to be free, And I found a game that calms it. Then I found a friend that made it smile. And a bestie that made it jump, beat again and live again. A ninj that filled it with love and strength and comfort. My baby that owns it and takes care of it. My goy who's gonna be in it forever.