It's almost our anniversary, by this time last year we were already talking, we were already besties, he was already my confidant, he was already special, I was already unwrapping the gift, my gift, my most special one.
It's been an amazing one year, and I can only imagine how much more, how much better will be the years I'll have with him.
I have never felt this way before, never felt so loved, so secured, so special, so happy, so appreciated and that is by someone who are thousands of miles away.
I grew up quickly, I had to. I had to take the roles of an adult at 13, or maybe even earlier than that. I had to be strong for my mom and siblings. I put them first before my self, I worry for them, I solve their problems, I look out for them, but no one does the same for me. I have to keep my own problems, my fears and worries. My mom was so broken, still a little broken, that I always felt I don't wanna add anymore more burden to her, but instead try to take off as much burden as I can and put it on me. My siblings I thought was too young, or cannot help me with anything. I grew up that way, I'm used to it. A lot of what I have went through they don't know. But here he came, someone I haven't even met in person, Someone I chat in viber, opened me up. I have friends, I listened to them, I keep their secrets, I comfort them, give my two cents, but I never was someone to share my problems, or secrets. But him, he was different, He torn down my walls, swiftly, quickly, and made his way into my heart, and claimed it.
He surprised me with a birthday cake, for my 31st birthday, even though he is far away he was able to surprise me, And promised me that I'll never have to buy my own birthday cake again, ever. He said" no woman of mine will ever have to buy her own cake" It's so wonderful to hear, and I really prayed that I get to spend all the rest of my birthdays with him, with cake or not, I only wish to be his woman, for as long as I am a being, for as long as I am me, I wanna be Rafael's woman.
He is also my rock, my strength, someone I can depend on. I have never had that sense of security before. I haven't depended on anyone before. Listening to myself now, it's kinda sad to say it this way but I was never taken cared off by a man before, not the way he does. It's not the material things, I'm not that kind of girl. It's knowing he will do anything for me, it's knowing he is always there for me, it's knowing my worries, my fears, my problems are not just mine alone, I have someone to share it, to help me, to even solve it for me.
My daughter was hospitalized recently, I don't have insurance, but I have save some money, that is why it didn't stressed me out so much, about the bills. He also assured me I have nothing to worry about, I just have to let him know how much more I need. Thankfully I was blessed with a kind Doctor too, and I had enough to pay for the bills. More than the knowing that he will help me, it's the comfort he brings, its sounds unreal, but at times when I can't talk to him, when I am worrying, or even when I'm in pain and discomfort cause of a tummy ache, I close my eyes and I can clearly see his face, it calms me down, comforts me, he is a happy place I go to.
And most importantly, I know that he is not only gonna be there for me, but for Fiona too. I cannot put into words how safe it makes me feel, how free, how blessed, when he promised me he will, I felt something from my heart spreading to every cell of my body, it's like having a new life sort of, it's not a life with no fear or worries, but it's brighter, beautiful, like when you see the prettiest garden, this is what I am now, what I have, and who I am sharing it with, like seeing my life and it's the most beautiful I've seen.
And for all the things that he is to me, all the things he has done I can only hope that I can do the same for him, be someone he can depend on too, make him happy too.
I like to tell you that I am very thankful for everything that you do, for always listening to my rants, for staying up late at night to hang out with me, for trying to wake up early on your rest days to see me, for always being there for me. for understanding me, for making me laugh, for helping me out, for getting a divorce, for making us happen in the near future, for coming into my life and for asking me to be your wife, maraming maraming salamat.... and I love you with the whole of my being.
